For tattoo artist and Brazilian national, Bru, it was the community that rallied around her that made all the difference. Diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and newly arrived in the country, she was faced not only with an overwhelming treatment journey, but also the financial stress of accessing the necessary care while jumping through health insurance hoops.
Bru shares her story in her own words...
One of my first introductions to Australia was the health care system. I had been living in Amsterdam and then New Zealand with my partner Perry before coming to Australia.
We arrived at the start of 2022 and by the end of the year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a pretty rough start in a new city.
I didn’t have access to Medicare, so that made things really hard, like it’s not already the worst thing ever. I told a few friends that the financial part was more stressful if you can believe it.
I had my private travel insurance, but to go through it and understand how it worked, it was such a hurdle. It was really hard. And it was definitely a mission to get hold of them.
I would have to claim every consult and everything I was doing to get the rebate. But it would take so long, and the initial consults and scans are very heavy on your pocket. And then we were just spending crazy amounts of money without any idea of when we were getting a little bit back. So, it was so intense. It was very stressful.
Cancer Council Victoria provides free financial counselling to answer any questions and help manage the cost of cancer. You can be connected with one of our financial counsellors by calling 13 11 20.
I can count ourselves lucky that we had friends helping us out and the tattoo community is really amazing, they did an event to raise money, which was pretty touching.
I felt truly loved, seen, and supported and this I won’t ever take for granted and will be forever grateful.
The support we had from our friends made it a little bit easier on us. They would come and drop food, so I wouldn’t have to worry. Little things like that.
You have to have your ‘net’ through something like this; it doesn’t need to be a lot of people but a few ones that are really going to be there for you and really count on them.
I know it can get hard to ask for help, you don’t want to bother people much, but you’ve got to know that if they are your people, they’re going to be there for you.
One of the many lessons cancer has taught me is to never underestimate the power of yourself, your friendships, and your community.
Navigating the health system as an ‘outsider’
When I first found the lump, I was just like ‘oh my god, is that what I think it is?’ You don’t even want to think about it. I didn’t even tell Perry right away. I slept on it. Next day I told him.
You’re suddenly confronted. The penny drops. I was a healthy person and suddenly I’m not.
All the doctors said I caught it really early so it’s really good. But I kept having these thoughts that I took my health for granted.
Early detection saves lives, stay up-to-date with your screening and if you notice any unusual changes to your body, see a health professional.
It’s pretty scary when you go and start seeing all the doctors because they kind of paint the whole picture for you – all scenarios – before you find out what you have, what stage you are, all of that.
I remember going to the first consult with the oncologist, Perry was with me. She was going through all of the stages – what could happen and then with the surgery later on.
They’re like, ‘you can have a lumpectomy, mastectomy, double mastectomy’ and you don’t even know what you have yet!
It is so much for someone that is going through that and trying to understand everything.
Even when I got the diagnosis. She’s like ‘it’s cancer’ and they start going through all this information and they even said to Perry, ‘you keep this information, because she’s not going to remember’. And you don’t. So, it’s very confronting.
I feel like I didn’t get much information on other kinds of support that were available. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not from here, maybe I didn’t grow up hearing about it. So, I didn’t really know where to go for support.
My family are all back in Brazil and that was really hard too. I didn’t even know how to tell my mum. It’s hard news to give and I knew that they couldn’t do anything. My mum offered to come but she’s never been anywhere outside Brazil, so it would be a lot to deal with.
It was hard not having any family here but I’m pretty lucky to have Perry’s family and our friends.
If you need more information about a cancer diagnosis, or just want to talk to someone who knows what to say, you can call our cancer nurses on 13 11 20 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm.
Strong yet so soft
With 1 in 2 people expected to be diagnosed with cancer by the age of 85, we all feel its impact one way or another. Either we have cancer ourselves, or someone we love does. For Perry, he knew his role in supporting Bru was to be her rock, to be the calming force in the tough moments.
Perry shares his story in his own words...
When we had to go and see the breast surgeon, she said to Bru, ‘come in for your results and bring your partner.’ So, you’ve kind of been told already but not told.
Bru was 38 at the time, we were just starting to try and have a kid. It was lot.
Thinking back on that waiting room just immediately makes me feel sick. I said to Bru before we went in, ‘whatever happens, good or bad, I’m here for you, we’re going to get through it together’. And we had a little hug-out before it was all real real.
She just blew me away on how she got through it all and my job was made pretty easy because I just had to be a little bit of a supporting network around her, and the rest was all her.
It’s brought us way closer together. These things do. It’s an interesting thing as a partner as you’re still living in the world, still going to work, and still doing all these things. But half of you is at home sick.
I remember years ago when we were still living in Amsterdam together, I’d always say, ‘Bru’s so sweet, she’ll never make your teeth rot’. She’s just such a sweet, gentle person. That’s why I thought, ‘man, this is going to crush her’. But she just smashed it and did it with such grace. It’s just amazing to meet someone so strong, but so soft.
Our 13 11 20 cancer information and support service is there for everyone affected by cancer, including carers and loved ones.
Coming out the other end - forever changed
I was trying to live as normally as I could through treatment. It’s hard to keep doing what you’re used to, to keep up normal activities. I was still trying to exercise or at least walk my dog. I couldn’t work, but I was painting.
I just tried not to stay in bed thinking about it, tried to enjoy life.
I know normal is not a thing when you’re going through that – nothing is normal. But it’s important to just keep doing things you love. Things that will make you happy. Because if you let yourself go to what cancer is, it’s horrible. You don’t want to be just stuck on that.
It’s very hard to explain or even put into words how you feel during and after. The after is a big thing as well that I feel is not really talked about. How you feel after… it’s a big challenge.
Even if it is – life is not the same, because you’re a different person, you’re a whole different person. But you’re left with the life you used to have, with the work that you used to have.
It’s a feeling that you’ve lost. It’s hard to put in words.
I read some stuff about how your brain, while you’re going through stuff like that, it just focuses on surviving. So, that’s what you’re doing. Doing everything you can. And once you’re out of the woods, then you kind of shut down and process everything that you went through.
So, I feel like the process of … not grief … but the pain, comes a bit later, or at least it did for me. I was a bit lost.
There’s this thing also that I think always lives with you, even if you don’t want it. You want to be positive, and you have changed, but there’s always that little feeling in the back of your head thinking, ‘is it going to come back?’
Anything you feel in your body… I don’t know, a headache… and you’re like, ‘is that a sign?’ And that’s a horrible feeling to live with.
If you live thinking like that, it’s really not fun. So, I just tried to think, ‘well it’s out of my control.’ Thinking about it is not going to make it happen or not’, so I’d rather not think about it. Just live and be happy and be grateful that you’re alive.
Our Cancer Connect program provides peer support from someone who knows what you’re going through and what it’s like to have the same type of cancer as you. Call 13 11 20 and ask about Cancer Connect.
Bru completed her treatment in October 2023 and will receive yearly checkups. She and Perry married in Vegas when Bru was in remission.
If you or your loved one needs support contact our 13 11 20 cancer information and support line.